Me and my Probs

"Mas madaling ngumiti kahit hindi ka masaya kesa sabihin sa iba kung bakit malungkot ka."

For me, it's true. Ako kasi yung tipo ng tao na sooooobrang bihira kung maglabas ng problema. Nananahimik lang ako, kahit sobrang inis at galit na 'ko. I would speak a bit, magdadahilan ako, sasalungatin ko, yun ay kapag hindi pa masyado yung inis ko. Pero kapag sobra-sobra na, yung as in galit or sad na talaga 'ko, nananahimik lang ako. Sa'kin kasi, it's easier to stay quiet than to reason out. I don't like shouting at anybody when I'm mad (dahil baa kung ano masabi ko), so kesa sumigaw ako, I shut up. When I'm quiet, when I don't feel like talking to anybody then suddenly someone talks to me or smiles at me, I'd answer or I'll give a fake smile. If somebody asks why I'm quiet or if I have a problem or if I'm alright, I won't answer that much, I'll just say, "Nothing," or give a fake smile, or I won't say/do anything at all. 'Cause it's really easier for me to smile than to tell them the reason why I'm so quiet. Kasi pag sinabi ko sa kanila na 'Kasi ganito ganyan,' magtatanong na ng magtatanong yung nagtatanong. Plus, I'm pessimistic sometimes, especially when it comes to judgments. Criticisms are destructive for me most of the time, which might happen if I tell people my problems. Nahihiya ako, and at the same time, natatakot. Natatakot ako na people might not understand me and my problems, natatakot akong mahusgahan. So, I just smile. It's easier for me to smile than to make people know and understand my problem. It's easier for me to keep my problems on my own than to share it to others. People say na masamang nagkikimkim ng problema at galit since it's not healthy for the heart. People who keep problems on their own tend to have a heart disease more kesa dun sa mga naglalabas ng galit. I've known this since time in memorial. I don't want to have a heart disease, but I also don't want to share my problems. Ang tanga lang kasi I choose to keep everything even if I know that it's not gonna result to anything good. I might even be unhealthy because of this. But, yeah. This is me. I don't know why I'm being stubborn.

Rodalyn A. Gasid