PAIN

"Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice." I just like and believe in this quote so much. People get hurt. People experience pain. And when they do, they cry. But sometimes, they're just so used to it that they ignore it already. They laugh at it. They just smile at it. But not everyone can smile and laugh while in pain. Like me. I cry.....when no eyes are on me. I cry.....when no one's around. I cry.....when I'm alone. I experience pain........too much pain actually. Sometimes, in school, I really don't talk. Why? It's either I'm tired, I'm not in the mood to talk, or I remember "those painful times". When I'm in pain, it's like I already forgot how to smile, laugh, and talk. What's stupid is that I sometimes don't know how to get over it. I don't know how to get over with what I feel. I need a shoulder to cry on. And that's also a problem. I can't look for someone who can be my shoulder to cry on. I don't have siblings. My cousins are all in the province. I don't cry in front of my parents. I have friends, but I barely tell them my problems. And also, I don't tell anyone about my problems. For short, kinikimkim ko lahat. So basically, no one can be my shoulder to cry on, since no one even knows if I have a problem and what that problem is. Do you know the commercial of Lucky Me that "3 out of 4 teens don't want to eat meals with their family"? I can say that I can relate with that........well, sometimes. Sino ba naman ang gaganahan kumain kung habang lumalamon ka, tinatalakan ka? Kahit na saksakan pa ng sarap ang ulam, mawawalan talaga 'ko ng gana. Kahit spaghetti pa nasa harapan ko, hindi ko kakainin. At kahit pa gutom na gutom na 'ko, hindi ako kakain. At kapag hindi ako kumain dahil nga nawalan na 'ko ng gana, hindi talaga nila 'ko tatawagin. I understand why they won't call me, kasi kagustuhan kong wag kumain eh. But what I don't understand is: Why do they get mad while I'm eating? At kapag tinatalakan ako, kahit ano pang italak sa 'kin, wa epek. Di ko sila sasagutin, at hindi ko rin sila titingnan. Mukha 'kong manhid pag nasa harap nila. Pero kapag pumasok na 'ko sa room at mag-isa na lang ako, aba't ayaw magpaawat ng mga pesteng luha at nag-uunahan pa. And I have no choice but to let them run. Kesa naman pati luha pigilan ko pa. And sometimes, kapag tulog na lahat, maiiwan akong gising pero nakahiga, habang may mga crystal tears na tumutulo mula sa aking saksakan ng gandang mga mata. Wala. Nasasaktan lang. Kapag nasaktan ka, umiyak ka. Pero wag mong sobrahan. Kase, ikaw lang rin masasaktan. Nasaktan ka na nga, pumangit ka pa, kasi namaga mata mo eh. Kaya sa lahat ng mga nasasaktan dyan, maraming kagaya mong nasasaktan din. At kung nasasaktan kayo ngayon, there's more to life, and there's more pain to come. Malalagpasan mo rin yan, at kapag nalagpasan mo na, another reason will come for you to experience pain. 'Cause pain, it's part of life.

P.S. Ang sarap umiyak ngayon, pramis. Dito ko lang talaga nailalabas yung pain. Ahuhuhu

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